Heartily Hurt

I am hurt deeply.
I still hope. That's why I am sad....
My tears keep flowing...
My mind is too complex...too many things happened at one time..
My heart is pain...
I can't breath...
Sleepless nights...

Sunk Boat

Another speechless day.
Too emotional.
Not easy to handle.
Plan cancelled.
No sign.
No explanation.
I go on with my best.
Cleaning.
Serving.
Hidden tense, worries and tears.
I handled well.
I am tired …..
I become weaker …..
I am helpless …..

Trauma

Woke up by severe pain. Medicine not working well again. Oh, I fall asleep just right after dinner. The sky is still bright but the night is too quiet. Just the sound of breathing. I can't get to sleep again. I try to empty up my mind but as usual, I fail to do so. My mind is fresh with the news I read 2 hours back.

"5 years old girl was raped by a stranger and she speak no words or tears after the incident when the family found her after 10+ hours"

The poor little girl is in trauma. She is having a terribly big shock in her life. Her lower body was covered with blood. Her eyes were big opened. She is helpless. She was sent to hospital and psychological treatments will be given soon.

Trauma.. not easy to cure. Not easy to handle either. Phychological treatment, I doubt how much it can help. She definately will has this with her for the whole life. How can these rapiest be so cruel? She is just 5. And this gonna affect her whole life! She can't forget. She can't wipe it off. She will feel scared, the pain. No way to escape. No way to pour out. Words and tears, help not much. No matter what, will be for her to carry these bad memories by herself, helplessly and painfully in her life.

My heart is pain seeing this. Too hard to bear. Too painful to carry....

Growing Old

Time to leave is near.. I still worry but nothing can be done. He hope that I carry with me just all the sweet and good memories. But, I knew I will be carrying with me more worries and sadness. A question thrown to me that day:

"Do you afraid of death?"

No. I didn't. We do not need to worry anymore if we die but those who loves us will be more suffering. I hope my message was well delivered through my words. My worries. My sadness. The journey planted in some good memories, but it also taking away my happiness. Is it good, is it not? I don't know. But I knew I am growing "old".... I learnt too much...too fast...Not easy... I try to control my tears but it falls... again :''(

Trip to Berlin

Berlin Day 1

Reached Berlin quite late around 1030pm. Headed to buddy's friend place for one night stay. Had Indian cuisine. Back home and refreshed. Then get to Disco for my very first time. Enjoy much but got "heart attack". I had many of my "first time" experiences tonight. Very unforgettable experiences.

Berlin Day 2

Woke up quite early. Ate a very crispy and hot croissant which buddy queue for quite sometime to get that :). Then, we went out for morning walk at nearby neighbourhood. Get to a morning market, park, bookstore, pharmacy, cultury brewery,church of Mary, before buddy went for his haircut. Then we get to check in to another hotel, dressed up and go for Japanese Food before we join the parade. Went to a park Kollvit Square for some greenery and fresh air. After the parade, we went for sightseeing at posydamer platz where the sony centre is located. Nice and modern design. Dinner in a Vietnamese Restaurant and back home to zzz.

Berlin Day 3
Started the day quite early about 10am. Bought some fruits for breakfast. Took train to visit an old destroyed church during WWII-- Kaiser-Wilheim-Gedachtniskirche. Ate a curry wurst (sausage). Then took bus for sightseeing. Passed by zoo, embassy before we got down at the Parliment and parliment office. We then went for photography sessions at Brandenburg Gate, Hotel Adlon, Jewish square, Berlin Wall, Beliner Dom, Altes Museum, French and German Cathedral, Cultural House, Neue Wache, Old National Gallery, Opera House, Museum of German History, Pergamon Museum and Bode Museum. We ended up the trip at a Italian Restaurant before we checked out at about 5pm. Reached home by car-pooling abt 2am. Quite a rush but enjoyable day!

Relationship

Relationship is a particular type of connection between two people. I always thought that it is a special kind of feelings towards the one you love, to love, care, trust, to be together in good or bad times. The one that you can pour everything and share your joy and sadness. To grow old together, loving each other till the end of life..

But, recently.. I found that relationship sucks. I am not going through any but I had seen it through. I start having doubt. I start to wonder there aren't any good ending like what happen in fairy tales. We need to face the reality. We will love someone with our whole heart but we will not necessary get any return. If you are loving each other at that moment, there are no guarantee that it will last forever. You will be loyal to the relationship, but how about the other half? Too many tempatation, too many sad ending.

I never encounter any good one in my life. I believe there will have. But now.. I really doubt. My heart is closing ....

CSD Berlin 2007

Manage to catch the Christopher Street Day (CSD) in Berlin. It is the end of Pride week. The big parade on the last Saturday of Pride week will follow a route from the Kurfurstendamm to the Siegesäule. Almost the whole Berlin is celebrating this parade.

Big crowd. Eye opening. Fun. Experience.

I enjoyed it! :)