I'm in LOVE and I “Broke up” at the SAME TIME

I have this strange feeling inside me about a year ago which is hard to figure out. I think it may be love but since I'm confused, it can be otherwise as well. This mixed feelings are real hard to decide whether it's true love or is it just attraction. After a year of his companionship, I took my time to explore my own feelings. After I poured and seek for advices from beloved and buddy, I get myself to think of the "relationship" that I had. I shall figure think out by now.

Is he always in my thoughts? – I simply can't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard I try but such thoughts would always conquer my mind even when I don't want them to. I would be totally driven crazy just based on these thoughts.

Does me care for him? - I tend to care about them a lot. I value him even more than I value myself and I think this is what true love is all about. I felt hurt when the person I feel I might love is hurt. I feel or experience joy when the person I feel I might love is happy.

Does his company comfort me? – I always feel great comfort and joy when he is around me. And when I'm away from him I would experience loneliness and discomfort.

YES for all the answers above. Therefore confirmed I love him.

BUT…It's often said that the one's we love the most comfort us at the same time hurt us the most. Therefore if even the smallest of acts/words from him hurts me lots. Some possibilities for me to think of whether he is showing me the love:

• he doesn't treat me like I'm important in his life
• he always doesn't keep his words
• he seems to enjoy my company, but it's as though he hasn't decided that I'm the special woman in his life
• he shuts me out of big parts of his real world and inner life
• he keeps telling me that he's not good relationship material, but he doesn't discourage you from with him
• he rewards me for being "strong" and/or "understanding" when he does things that he knows hurt me

"A man who has his emotional act together and is wild about you WILL WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. It will bring him pleasure. Just as hurting you will make him feel like shite, and he'll try to figure out how to stop doing it! He'll also want you to feel as special and valued as you make him feel. He'll be willing to take risks for your love. He'll want to share himself and his life with you. And he'll let the world know that you are his. When a man loves you like this, you feel it .”

So, after figuring all that out. I knew I can't feel the love from him. He did care. He did concern. But that isn't match the love definition.

I knew I shall walk out from the fantasy. I had no more love to give. I can't be hoping. I knew I need to let go...... Good Bye My Love .....