Year 2007 --- Reflect and Review

YEAR 2007 -------- hmmm.... cant really know what year is this year, just knowing that it going to end soon. The mice are going to take over for the coming year.

Reflect and review 2007 :
Too many incidents happened throughout the year. Too many. Too hard to put everything in words how i feel and how i went through all that. I kinda love the year and on the other hand, I kinda hate it.

JAN-FEB --- BLANK and I cant think of any at all.
MARCH --- Love and cares that I can offer and give isn't enough and too "limited" in a way in this month. I can only do my best to offer best prayers and support. My heart is too painful for his suffer and pain.

APRIL --- The first vindication. The first love. The feelings is just right.
MAY --- The time had come. The reveal of the truth. Un-mask and stripping. We showed the inner of ourself. We cried. We joy a bit. The love growth stronger. The bond ties again. Thousand miles away. I scared. I worried. I lost a bit. I was being loved. I was being cared. I felt the comfort in their arms. I learnt to be strong.

JUNE --- While prayers and wishes growing, worries and tension never lesser. The more you know, the more suffer and pain you need to bear with. I'm carrying the cross but I knew I'm not alone. Arguments and silent treatments hurting each other.... A hug and a kiss.... We are friends again! The path we walked, the journey we treasured..... tied us back in heart.
JULY --- Time to go. I'm back to beloved again. I miss him so much! I hope i can be by him side helping and care for him too. But i just cant split. I'm really sorry dear. Back to reality. Life still need to go on. Nasty and harsh words from those that you cant really cut off the ties with... the feelings are horrible... my heart is painful.... i felt the loneliness... i am scared.

AUGUST --- Another bom. Another sickening part in life - Work isn't easy. Decision made. I should leave. But why cant they just let me leave in peace?
SEPT --- The 3rd bom, i lost a friend. I already split into pieces n still yet to bear with all this!

OCT --- I walked out of a fantasy in relationship... I try to let go. And is never easy. I do doubt. I knew i'm impatience. But the road isn't there for me.

NOV --- I started with my new life. A new car. A new responsibility.

DEC --- Enjoying being myself. Love from friends are more meaningful than the love that i had lost and let go. I appreciate and love them more and more. Small hiccups..... big problems....not easy to handle. Pity those that was hurt indirectl. Appreciate the ones that love me and suffer for me. I am too lucky to have them in my life.

Summary:
Hiccups make me grow. Problems make me mature. 2007 Isn't easy. I fell. I drown. I cried. I was carried again -- By those that loves me. By those that I love them too. They walked by my side. They support. They love. They care. Something that I lost is lost. Something that I should learn to forgive and forget. Something that I need to let go. What is important is NOW. I learnt how to appreciate and love more . And I found that life is just simple............with love around me. I felt blessed. I felt the joy in heart. Though there are more many challenges and hard times in my life.... but I knew I'm not alone anymore! Thanks for all the love and cares. Thanks for the comfort and the kiss. I love you all, my dear!

The time is near................

The time is near.... it finally came. Something wrong with my body which i dont know what caused that.. suffered from severe pain last week until I am scared and called beloved, seeking for help. He was shocked and asked to take pain killer. I ate 2 tablet and pain started to relief and i fall asleep in pain. Then when i awake still have to bear with uncomfort feeling. It doesnt go off and started to follow by pain on the other part of the body. I felt the uncomfort and frustration. Easily get angry and tired. I shall wait for the check-up soon. I felt scared and worry. I hope the problem isn't that serious. I hope the side-effect wont be too much... Time to face it and get rid of that. I've been avoiding that too long.

2nd Day - SG Trip

2nd day- 9th Dec, 0830, rainny...

Woke up ard half pass eight ... then lying on bed with my new softoy snow ball. Too lazy to wake up. Dunno what's the plan for the day. So, just "bergolek-golek" doing nothing until dear woke up to shower and get himself ready.

"Morning"

"Morning"

"Wanna go church?"

"Church?! Yeah! What time?"

"Hmm...1030am"

"Wah, now already 930am! Why u didnt wake me up earlier??!!!"

I took a quick shower and get myself dressed-up in 15 mins before we walked to the nearest bus station toget bus to nearest MRT. Reached the church ard 1030am and rush in. I dont like to be late for the service or i rather not going.

"Errmm....where is the alter ar?? Why i cant see?"
"Over there"
"Which one? The stage ar?"
"Yeah..."
"Hmm...But nothing there le!"

Okay, this is the Church of Our Saviour, in Queentown, SG. A Charismatic Church. First time to this kind of church. Started with singing, the leader even speaking in tougue. My dear already told me not to be suprise and feel scared. They are very strong in praying. Then, follow by sermons and singing from a 12 yrs old little blind girl. Very touching and good! He gave a comment "hmm... isn't it sounds better than the clubbing yesterday? heh?" I just gave him a smile. Haha... Service finished around 1pm. Took my "Branch" at the food court nearby. Meet nice people. The fish ball's noodle tauke gave me extra fish balls. The beverage auntie refilled the drink for me when i accidentally poured out the herbal drink. O_o (I think I'm too cute! LOL)

After meal, dear dropped me off at Jurong Point for shopping and he got back home for doing laundry and shower. But after 30 mins walked around, i got nothing there. Too crowded. Too many "so so" goods. I feel like the whole mall is like The Store! Hehe....

After met him back again, we went of to city hall and Raffles place. Hanging around in this two malls. He got me a christmas gift --- shopaholic & baby :). Then, walk ard for some photo shooting before meeting up beloved and his beloved for dinner @ the place which i dunno..7 course dinner. Nice presentation. Nice food. Good environment. Overwhelming waiter. Overall.... EXCELLENT!!!! :) Habis makan, jalan to OG plaza to get myself a OP T-shirt. Again, my beloved and his beloved hanging in the men's brief department. (see... in your favourite department again!) Me pula lepak and trying the rocking MBT shoes. I cant really walk with it. In fact, is horrible experience. My dear said i need to learn to walk liao... jahat betul. Habis makan, shopping, time to balik tidur. Beloved going his way and myself with dear in our way. Then he sent me to the interchange before he heading back and i got back by cab. 1115pm reached my friend's place safely. Tiring but a happy day! :)

P/s: I hope i can visit SG again............ after dear check out how to get to the SG's lion statue, the sentosa island etc..........:) May be 6 months later?

SG day 1

I've been down to SG with beloved last weekend. For....Shopping and visiting my dear :P. Yeah... :P I took a day off and follow my beloved down to the south. He is fullfilling his conjugal duties and I'm just 3 8 around. :)

Everyone told me the christmas decoration is super nice in SG. But... hmm.. found it so so. A bit disappointing. Or may be is a rainning season there or my expectation is too high. I dont know. For me, is so so. :P

Start my shopping only around 1pm after a long wait for my dear to settle his "duties" in JB and due to the jam at Checkpoint, i've been waiting more than an hour. But i do appreciate and thank him for keeping his promise though he is not feeling quite well. Then, i start my shopping. Due to his first time in Orchard, my 2nd time there. So,we are like no sense of direction. I just drag him around - Atria, Paragon and Taka. I dare not to go to those places that I hardly know the name as i worried that we will get lost in the area. I felt super tired after 3 hours of shopping before meeting up beloved and his love one. Oh ya.. forgot not another cute uncle - HJ. Meeting point, as usual --- mens' brief department. haha... :P

We walked a bit for getting my Christmas present ------ A HUGE, CUTE, "SNOW BALL" -- is the name given to the soft toy. Prezzie from beloved and his KH. Wow... i am the happiest person that day. hehehe...

Then.. movie.. oh ya,, makan first before that. Again, some drink after the movie before clubbing. Suprise me for the uncle HJ. Super cute in the dance floor. Cool and cute guy. i like him. Then after a couple of hours there. dear teman i balik to ZZZZZZ... others also balik zzzz. we are too tired.

P/S: only day 1... day 2... see how la mood esok dan ada masa tak. hari ni dah tak larat ... :)

Business Trip

Been to first business trip in this new company to Guang Zhou and Hong kong. Almost spend half of the month there. Five days in Guang zhou,one day in HK. Then back to Malaysia for a week. Then.. fly again! 1 day in GuangZhou, 5 days in HK. Huh! Tiring.

Both trips --- tiring and rush! My route : MYS-MACAU-ZU HAI-GUANG ZHOU-HK-MACAU-MYS

Can u guys see the complicated route? I had taken taxi, car, train, ferry and flight. One conclusion: VERY DAMMN Tiring ar !!!

Suppose no more flying this year. i told my boss... no more. I am too tired. My body cannot take it liao. Too much of flying. My Ear,Nose and Throat are complaining d! :P

Still in recovery period. Spend me quite some $ for that! Now slowly goes into maintainance period.

A new start --- New toy, New Life

Finally, I got my first liability in life! My new car --- VIVA. Hmm... not any imported car, but is my first ASSET. I am glad and felt blessed with it. Thanks to my beloved for his help. Dear, thanks & I love u lots!



Feel the freedom! Feel the comfort and warmth! Feel the confident in my life.


5 years more to fully own this.. Long way to go still but I will .... :) Definately.

End of the Chapter

A good ending of my complicated "relationship". My frustration was slowly replaced by disappointment. My anger was slowly swept away by my illness and busy workload abroad. Therefore, decided to meet for goodbye before he got abroad. As beloved advice, I do not hate him that much. Just the anger and frustration that keeps me ignoring his sms-es and calls.

He drove me to ENT doctor for the infection. Still care as a friend,I can say. That's is. Not much words and explaination. That's no longer important. Went for a simple farewell lunch. Accompanying him for final packing. I felt asleep due to the medication. The time came, goodbye and a hug. My tears fell. "Don't cry.." he said. I nodded.

Good bye, my friend. Take care always.....All the best in your future undertaking.

I'm in LOVE and I “Broke up” at the SAME TIME

I have this strange feeling inside me about a year ago which is hard to figure out. I think it may be love but since I'm confused, it can be otherwise as well. This mixed feelings are real hard to decide whether it's true love or is it just attraction. After a year of his companionship, I took my time to explore my own feelings. After I poured and seek for advices from beloved and buddy, I get myself to think of the "relationship" that I had. I shall figure think out by now.

Is he always in my thoughts? – I simply can't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard I try but such thoughts would always conquer my mind even when I don't want them to. I would be totally driven crazy just based on these thoughts.

Does me care for him? - I tend to care about them a lot. I value him even more than I value myself and I think this is what true love is all about. I felt hurt when the person I feel I might love is hurt. I feel or experience joy when the person I feel I might love is happy.

Does his company comfort me? – I always feel great comfort and joy when he is around me. And when I'm away from him I would experience loneliness and discomfort.

YES for all the answers above. Therefore confirmed I love him.

BUT…It's often said that the one's we love the most comfort us at the same time hurt us the most. Therefore if even the smallest of acts/words from him hurts me lots. Some possibilities for me to think of whether he is showing me the love:

• he doesn't treat me like I'm important in his life
• he always doesn't keep his words
• he seems to enjoy my company, but it's as though he hasn't decided that I'm the special woman in his life
• he shuts me out of big parts of his real world and inner life
• he keeps telling me that he's not good relationship material, but he doesn't discourage you from with him
• he rewards me for being "strong" and/or "understanding" when he does things that he knows hurt me

"A man who has his emotional act together and is wild about you WILL WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. It will bring him pleasure. Just as hurting you will make him feel like shite, and he'll try to figure out how to stop doing it! He'll also want you to feel as special and valued as you make him feel. He'll be willing to take risks for your love. He'll want to share himself and his life with you. And he'll let the world know that you are his. When a man loves you like this, you feel it .”

So, after figuring all that out. I knew I can't feel the love from him. He did care. He did concern. But that isn't match the love definition.

I knew I shall walk out from the fantasy. I had no more love to give. I can't be hoping. I knew I need to let go...... Good Bye My Love .....

Don't be selfish in saying I LOVE YOU

Something to share which touched me. A true and real fact....

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your partner wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of togetherness, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your partner's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, 'Did I tag along with the right person?' And as you and your partner reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationship breakdown.

People blame their partner for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because :

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your relationship work.Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

So, show your love to your love ones today. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate them.

I LOVE EVERYONE THAT LOVES ME. I LOVE YOU ALL !

My ex-hubby

Lately, I had pillow talk with my "ex-hubby". A old fren from uni. A good friend of mine.

He used to be my guardian during my internship as buddy was away to Germany. He used to be my good companion for shopping during uni time. He used to be my good house-keeper for ironing my cloths. A good cleaner for doing housework for me. A good cook for preparing me good food. Taking good care of me always :).

I always turned him away. I always bully him. I am a bad bad gal. BUT still, he is still nice to me. Haha... We are always mistaken as an item and some frens like to scold us for being too "intimate".

Haha... who cares?! I knew i will be terribly safe with him. We get closer these days. Knew him better. I hope I can guide him through. To have freedom in his heart. To knew himself better.

I love the way he loves me. Hurray! Another pillow by my side............

All the best, my dear!

Answer: Why Love is Blind

Ehhhem.... answer for Why Love is Blind?

A long long time ago, before the world was created and humans could set foot on it, virtues and vices floated around, not quite knowing what to do. One day, all of them were gathered together and Ingenious came up with an idea playing "hide-and-seek". Everyone like the idea and immediately, Madness shouted "I want to count, I want to coun

Since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the other agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started counting. As Madness counted, the vices and vitures ran off to look for places in which to hide.

Madness continued to shout out: "...79,80,..." By then, all the others were well hidden except for Love. Fickle as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. and this should nto surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Just when Madness got to 100, Love jumped into a rose bush. Madness turned around and shouted "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Laziness was the first to be found as he did not have the energy to hide. Then Madness spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and passion at the centre of the earth.

One by one, Madness found them all, except for Love.He was getting desprate. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness "He is in the rose bush". Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the bush. He jabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.

Love appreared from the bush, with both hands covering his face. Blood oozed from his eyes and trickled down his fingers. Madness had stabbed out Love's eyes with his pitch fork.

"What have I done?! What have I done?!" Madness screamed. " I have blinded you! How can I repair the damage?" Love answer "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you really want to do something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

Okay... that's the answer. So... what do you think ? :)

Why Love is Blind?

Why love is blind?

Anyone can give me the answer? (Before I told you mine :P)

A bridge away like thousand miles

My dear got an offer to be abroad. Yeah, abroad. Not said too far away but it isn't near either. Permanently. At least for 3 years he set that. Told him I felt sad to hear that. Told him my worries. He took that slamba je. "Haiya....only a bridge away, still contactable through emails ma."

Is a good chance for him to learn and experience. I knew that. Other than that, really didn't see much. He is not happy with the current job. So, I will upport. Though hard for me to let go.. But I shall learn to. Will be less contact. Will be lesser calls and emails. That will be a definate that I can predict. No promises.

My heart is pain.. I am learning to let go...

Fag Hag

When I was back from Europe a month ago, had a small gathering with an old friend, Sista A which apparently a old uni-mate. Such a small world!

Sista A passed a cool comment: "You are such a good fag-hag." "You are so lucky than any PLU for seeing and experiencing things that we adore for!"

Yeah... I felt blessed as well. And can I admit that I'm a good fag-hag. Haha.... I assume I'm, at least. I felt comfortable with my PLU friends. I felt that they are more understanding and even caring and loving than many other straight guys. Those people that I met are super nice people. There are lots around me and I am just comfortable with it. But, can you all leave some good one for me ar??? :P

The magnetic field for PLU are stronger and people around me also start getting the sense of that. We didn't discriminate nor had prejudis against any of them. I hope other also won't.

Bear in mind : Ich bin Ich (I'm who I'm). You all are the best!!

A good start and A bad ending

A new job. New environment. New start. Work is ok and will do my best. Thanks my beloved for giving me "lai si" :) . First time i got that in my life for my work. Hmm... a good one. A good start.

However my heart still heavy - for buddy and for myself. Something that I must let go.... buddy and beloved advised. They do not want me to suffer. I knew that...

But... why there is still a but, heh? I can't answer that. My heart is blinded. I have to learn to let go. I told myself. Give me some time. And the time is just near i knew. Should I ask? Should I keep silent? I do not know. I just observed and waited. And the disappointment is just getting deeper and deeper. Is time for me to let go.....

EXPLOSION

There is a Chinese saying “paper can’t wrap fire”. Finally, the explosion came! Unexpectedly. I had prepared for that. I had ready for that. I am ready to bear the responsibilities and I didn’t regret for everything. But.. I just didn’t expect for the inaccuracies and half-truth plus the added “garam cuka” from other parties. I had been careless. I felt sorry and guilty for that. I am angry and disappointed as well. I felt upset and worried in the meantime for him to blame me. I hope and pray for the less harm to him.

Many unnecessary people got involved. Many stories were created and finger pointing. Phone ringing non-stop and driving around up and down for more than 12 hours. Sorry to get beloved involved. Felt bad for him as he is really busy and tired. We do not want the conditions to become worst. We tried to get clarification. But, some people just hide themselves in the shell. Scolding back badly to hide their guilt and wrong did. We didn’t confront. We had no energy for that anymore. I felt really disappointed and sad. I had to let go finally. Seeing another side of one person. Different prospect. Different thinking. From concern to care and finally to revenge. Is that a consequence from “un-return” love? I do not know why. I can’t think more.

I was scolded badly from him finally. However, I am glad he does understand. I am glad he still loves me very much as his friend. I felt the warmth and care. I felt the bond for the friendship among 3 of us. I get the strength there. Few close friends were deeply concern and uphold me when I need them. Without that, I might totally collapse.

Things finally come to an end when I had to raise my voice first time in my life to elderly. I felt bad but I just had to. Too hard for me to take anymore. We are younger than those more “powerful” and “aged” people but doesn’t mean that we do not have brain. I can’t say I am very good and mature. But, I learnt and growth in life.

I still continue walking. With the accompany of buddy and beloved… I do believe we will be fine. With the love and understanding among us.. the bond gets stronger. We will shine… We will grow… We believe we will… God bless.

SANE IN L.O.V.E

Many people loose their “clear” and “consciousness” mind when getting involve with L.O.V.E. We always hope for fantasy and perfection. We always put hope in it. We put in our efforts and giving out love, to make things work. We thought that we do not hope for any return but eventually we did. We hope for the return of love; not a materialistic stuffs or valuable things. Just a simple hug and care, a sms or a simple warmth address already can make us fly up high.

But… do you think that we can keep giving? One day we might get “dried-up”. We will be tired as more disappointment when we do put in more hope. We might not be the priority in someone life. He/She might concern about you but you might be only one of the very small parts of his/her life. Only getting minimal reach out and love from the one we really love and care for. Is that what we want? Can we accept that?

Love is something that you can’t calculate how much you give, how much you gain. We can just do as much as we can to love. Our love might not be returned. No significant effort and promise. We can just choose to hold or let go in a relationship. Is not easy to find someone and give out our love. We might only get once chance in life.

Nobody knows the outcome in any relationship. Only HE knew. We shall just appreciate NOW and hope for THEN. Just bear in mind we must be sane; when to hold, when to let go. Life still has to go on. I pray for the best.

TOUCH

Touch – a way of showing concern.
Touch – a way of showing sincerity.
Touch – a way of showing love.

For me, touch can be the above.(But beware that it also can turn out to be molest :P). It depends who is the provider and meaning that it carries. For me, I won’t be hesitating in showing mine to my love ones.

Beloved pat me on shoulder when I felt a bit down the other day. It comforts lots. I felt the warmth and love that he gave. I do missed buddy as well. Kisses and hugs from him always cheer me up. I think mine also will affirm him that I do really care and love for him. Playful touch to my dear will tense him up . Lying on his shoulder when I need comfort really makes me want to thank and love him more.

Do not hesitate to show your love to your love ones today! A simple touch means a thousand!

Out of Work

Been jobless for few days as I had tendered my resignation letter earlier on and get earlier release (of course my penny-pinching boss was asking me to take unpaid leave). A shocking day for me. Shocking in the sense that I still holding some projects and the deadline was just 2 days after. But, anyhow, is his decision, I had enough said. I can take a break before my new offer comes in :P.

Learnt really a lot in this job. Learn more about people. Learnt about friendship. Learnt about life. I gained. I did also loose in certain ways. The consequence is high to bear. I felt upset. But I can’t do anything much. Different perceptions. Different directions. We need to go to our own ways. May be we will meet one day. But definitely the friendship is fading……

SMILE

A friend of mine asked me recently:

“Why I can’t see your smile anymore on your face?”
“My heart is sick. That’s why I can’t smile.” I told him that.
“Let me check and cure it” he offered.

I chuckled. Thanks dude but I just have to live with it, at this moment.

Smile… a sign of joy and happiness. Smile… is from the heart.

When we grow up, problems keep flushing in to our life. We have to carry the cross and all the responsibilities with us. That's make us grow. That's take away our happiness. A little thing can make me feel blessed these days because I start to appreciate what I had in my life. A little action can make me feel touched. A little thing means a thousand.

I hope I can smile from my heart again, one day...

Three musketeers --- BELOVED, BUDDY and ME

A little girl passed me a comment when beloved and I were in a charity breakfast sales at church last week.

"You both very good "kam ching" ar!"
" Yes girl, we are. Any prob?"
"No ar... seldom see boys and girls so good ma"

I encounter lots of this comment from time to time. People seems like can't accept that boys and girls can be good friend. From a young girl to an old woman. They will give this kind of comment.

I can say myself is open-minded enough to certain kind of level. I can go out in pair with a close male friend and there won’t be any “chemical reaction” between us. I can even stay in a room with a really close male friend which I knew that I am “safe” with him. Many things that I can accept to a certain point but for others point of view they might think that I am a slut.

For my relationship with my really close ones, is really special from others. Won't be any chemical reactions :P. Buddy, beloved and I are best friends for years and we are getting closer and closer. Bond ties between us are strong enough to bind us together. We tend to drift apart with our own ‘secrets’ but when the times came, we shared and we are now even closer. I felt so regret when we tend to kept ourselves out from each other with those “secrets” and going to our own way. When we really knew the real us, time seems like too short for the friendship. My I heart is pain to see the sad truth. I can’t take that but I have to learn. I learnt to accept. I do not know what will it be when the time really come. I do not know what will happen, what I will do, what can I do. But I just been 'ordered' that I must be strong enough to face all that. I hope I can keep to my words.

That’s the love that growth in this special friendship. That’s the love among us. A special and precious friendship which make me the happiest person. A unique one that makes me grows and shine. I love you guys very much for giving me all this.

A Bad day on the first day of Ghost festival

Everything will be going back to a slow down... from running up and down: Damansara-Serdang, UM-Serdang, Brickfields-Serdang...etc. I suppose will be cooling down for a while.

Sometimes, things just happened. My hard disk crashed,car broke down, frustration at work all happened in a day. The first day of Ghost festival. A really bad one. I realised that i just can laugh with tears when all that happened. I think I am too tired facing all kind of "accidents". My tears falled when I thought i cant retrieve all my data from the hard disk that gave by buddy which is already 3 years old. All my great memories and important data were inside it. Thank God for me to save it out at least for the data that is important for me. Then, it died.

I lost control when my tyre burst when i am driving. Luckily there was a turning and I had slow down from 120km/j in a highway to only 60 km/j in the place where the accident happened. I had to drive all the way to get to the mechanic when i cant find any petrol station with a functional air pump.

A really bad day but I had gone through it. I hope for a better tommorrow.

UP to the HILL -- DAY 2

With the tiredness and worries, I woke up early and prepared to have breakfast with C3's God father. When we reached there, he was already there just started to have his meal before going to work. We ended up till around 845am as C3 is famous among those auntie auntie. They can have his the whole day telling stories and chatting. He is patience enough for all that.

After the breakfast, we check-out and heading to ROSE GARDEN. Hmm... We walked in just like that without paying for the entrance fee as C3's god mom is really close with the owner of the garden. Hmm....A bit pai seh. Like eat without paying. :P

Snapping photos here and there before headed to cactus farm for my dear to grab some cactus for his "snoopy(s)". Oh ya... bought some sun flowers which is really nice and blooming. cheap though but dear paid for that. Hehe...

We said good bye to C3's God mom and headed for lunch and going down to the hill. Hmm... 2 piggy slept and left me accompanying C3. But... I was too tired and fall asleep for about 15 mins before we reached to a really nice waterfall. Wow... the water is cooling and the air is so fresh. Spend around 20 mins there before we headed to a "hot spring" spot. C3 brought me there to let my legs having a nice pampered in the water for blood circulation. However, we need to depart after receiving a call from my uncle.

We reached around evening to my uncle's place. Spend about an hour there and went off to have our dinner. Able to grab some noodle for grandma nearby before we reached home. Huh... really tiring. more in my mind and heart rather physically. But.. I do enjoy and appreciate lots.

Really hoping for another trip. And I hope with more relaxing and less burden in mind.

HOPE AND PRAY

I’m back for about 2 weeks but time passed by like really slow and it was like a decade. Two weekends were occupied with holidays and now things getting to slow down back to normal. Hmm… I can’t say is normal. I can’t say is not. Too many things happened and now I was like a lost child. My mind is full. Now, I let go some of my problems but my mind won’t rest for others. I am sleepless in the night. My heart is painful. My breath is unstable. Did HE hear my prayer? Did HE love and care of him? No answers. No reply. I am receiving pressure. I can only convince them. I need to lie to comfort. As.. everything is un-answerable. I can only PRAY and HOPE…

UP to the HILL -- DAY 1

Middle in the blues.... manage to have some fun in SG with beloved and friends. Not going to blog in details as he will blog about it. Conclusion is really an enjoyable trip but still with some doubt and worries whether my mission which accomplished in SG will be received by buddy or not.

A week later, been up to Cameron Highland with dear, HP and C3. C3 is the one driving us up all the way up to the hill. He planned all this for me and HP. Such a lovely guy. We departed at 6am and stopped at Ipoh for the famous "dim sum".. Hmm... for me is like so so... can't complaint. :)

On the way up hill, visited a tomato packaging factory but is off operation on Sat. Heading up to the fill for lunch with his god parent. Weather not so chilling as told. May be I am still not use to the hot weather here. Visited strawberry farm, tea farm, waterchest farm. Having great time relaxing.

Managed to get back to the rented apartment before the rain poured. Prepared food for steamboat at night. Enjoyed the fresh vege and a dish to share about is the "ba li tong" (hokkien). Sucked the shell's snails meat until my tounge became painful and cut by the sharp edges. Hmm... I think I was using the wrong technique as C3 and dear seems dont having that problem. C3's god father just joke that u knew how u eat this, then u will know how to french kiss. haha... Then i start wonder, my technique of eating should be right ma, using the tounge. Hmm.... i doubt i doubt :P.

After the makan makan, C3 given out presents to his god parent and all the siblings. Nice seeing them with the smile and appreciation on their face. Hard to see couple that is still loving after more than 15 yrs of marriage. Really envy them for a loving happy family.After they left, I suggested for a night walk nearby. Hmm... a quite town. No more activities after 11pm. Sienz...

After the walk, everyone was tired and headed to rest. My night was sleepless with the sudden attack. I felt the stress and tiredness. My dear just accompanying me without saying a word. I knew he is worrying and care. I am just too tired and sad to say any words. Is lovely to have the companionship. Really appreciate and love him more.

Heart Dying.....

Been going through some really hard times these days... one after another... Some still remain unsolved, new one still pumping in...

Some involving those that I won't care less and I won't let go...
Sad to say that I have to put it aside. To monitor and to wait for the right time. I am drowning.

I am letting go some.. some that I can let go. Some that I can and I will when my heart is totally closed for them. I felt relieve. I could not take more words or the cruel actions.

Some, just coming in like earthquake. No signal. No alarm. I broke down. I can't say out a word. My tears just keep falling for worrying and sadness.
Pain to see and feel. I never get any rest in mind for very long time. And I knew, not easy to get it rested again as too many things is happening and that's the reality of life.

My tears fall in the night. Thinking of those that I care and love. I couldn't answer why I need to go through all these when I was asked. May be this is a test from HIM that he wants me to go through. But frankly the consequences is too heavy to carry with...

Blessed that I am not alone... Blessed that beloved, dear and others are with me.. I love them for their love and care. But I felt the sky is no longer bright... is always cloudy... just awaiting for the rain to pour....

STRESS VIRUS

When I was back from Europe, my dear picked me up. I noticed that he was like tired and stress with works. Two days later, I went over to pick my beloved to work. He was even worst. He was getting "lesu" and "layu" though it was just early in the morning. Felt "sakit hati" to see his condition. I can't help him up. Just hope the conditions won't be getting any worst.

Just for 2 months, most of my loves one were in bad conditions. Is just like a virus. Spreading and eating up our mind, energy and soul. Everyone of us are carrying our own cross. We are there to support and care for each others in difficulties. We still have to bear and stay with the pain by ourself. You won't know exactly how it feels when you were really in it. Not easy to understand. Not easy to walk alone. Luckily we have each other and love ones to support, to care and to love.

Hope life will be better. Hopefully everyone will be stronger to face all the problems and tests. Let's pray for it....

Another attack!

Another attack yesterday...
Many unsolve still left behind and yet I was hurt again...
I wonder HE is giving me so much... am I strong enough to take it anymore?
My tears fall when I am in front of the alter..
My hope, my prayer to HIM, I asked HIM to take care of the one I love.
I no longer can reach out for him. I did my best.
My care for him is more than to myself.
But why he makes me worry?

I've been living with plenty these days and things are getting harder and harder....
Too hard to take...
I can't see any of the people that I love in pain or suffer.
I felt that strongly in me as well.
I love them too much and so do they.

Beloved advice me to let go, to build up sheild to protect myself.
Start to care and selfish for myself.
I have to learn. I have to ...
I knew he really worry.

Love.. is never from family.
But I gain more from buddy, beloved and few others.
I felt blessed for that.
But, I do hope from them... that's why I can feel the pain.

Crying on my dear's shoulder..
Tears falled uncontrol by just seeing the text.
I totally break down.
I said nothing. I just can't ...

I hope I can let go.
I hope I can be strong.
I hope.

PAPRIKA

Paprika... First thought in my mind when beloved told me we are going to watch this with KH was --- A capsicum japanese anime?! Paprika.. for me is sort of Capsicum/Chili. I knew this when i was abroad in Europe. So... I just said"hmmm... ok.." We are going for a capsicum anime.. Kindda stupid thinking.. but... who cares.. As long as I was invited for a movie. Haha... I miss movie lots. For at least two months didn't step into a cinema. My dear and his fren ffk me. They watched the Transformer without me. So, I'm kind of "merajuk", dont wanna go even they asked to watch it once again. I am an evil.

So, Paprika... I sat in the cinema... Eh....No capsicum...? But turned out to be a cute pretty Japanese girl--- a young female therapist that can stop the crime when a machine that allows therapists to enter their patient's dreams is stolen, all hell breaks loose. Nice music. Interesting and nice movie. I love that lots!

Hmmm......is a anime but I still covered my head with the sweater when I saw those horrible, scary dolls' faces. I am afraid of those since young. Haha... you can laugh at me... That's me. No doubt. So, hehe... no barbie dolls for me pls :)

First time in lion city for a movie, first time for a anime, first time being treated for an anime... at least it filled my mind for a while to let me enjoy my time off. Thanks KH and my beloved for that... For treating me and allowing me to be there :P .. Haha..

JUST ON THE OUTSIDE

A life of secret anguish…held captive within.

Suffering in silence, on the outside…I smile again.

A life of hidden pain…chained shackles within.
Crying while alone, on the outside…I smile again.

A life of silent worry…trapped desires within.
Praying in private, on the outside…I smile again.

A life of undisclosed grief…confined safely within.
Bearing isolated burdens, on the outside…I smile again.

A life of abandoned hope…solitary isolated within.
Buried dreams deserted, on the outside…I smile again.

Heartily Hurt

I am hurt deeply.
I still hope. That's why I am sad....
My tears keep flowing...
My mind is too complex...too many things happened at one time..
My heart is pain...
I can't breath...
Sleepless nights...

Sunk Boat

Another speechless day.
Too emotional.
Not easy to handle.
Plan cancelled.
No sign.
No explanation.
I go on with my best.
Cleaning.
Serving.
Hidden tense, worries and tears.
I handled well.
I am tired …..
I become weaker …..
I am helpless …..

Trauma

Woke up by severe pain. Medicine not working well again. Oh, I fall asleep just right after dinner. The sky is still bright but the night is too quiet. Just the sound of breathing. I can't get to sleep again. I try to empty up my mind but as usual, I fail to do so. My mind is fresh with the news I read 2 hours back.

"5 years old girl was raped by a stranger and she speak no words or tears after the incident when the family found her after 10+ hours"

The poor little girl is in trauma. She is having a terribly big shock in her life. Her lower body was covered with blood. Her eyes were big opened. She is helpless. She was sent to hospital and psychological treatments will be given soon.

Trauma.. not easy to cure. Not easy to handle either. Phychological treatment, I doubt how much it can help. She definately will has this with her for the whole life. How can these rapiest be so cruel? She is just 5. And this gonna affect her whole life! She can't forget. She can't wipe it off. She will feel scared, the pain. No way to escape. No way to pour out. Words and tears, help not much. No matter what, will be for her to carry these bad memories by herself, helplessly and painfully in her life.

My heart is pain seeing this. Too hard to bear. Too painful to carry....

Growing Old

Time to leave is near.. I still worry but nothing can be done. He hope that I carry with me just all the sweet and good memories. But, I knew I will be carrying with me more worries and sadness. A question thrown to me that day:

"Do you afraid of death?"

No. I didn't. We do not need to worry anymore if we die but those who loves us will be more suffering. I hope my message was well delivered through my words. My worries. My sadness. The journey planted in some good memories, but it also taking away my happiness. Is it good, is it not? I don't know. But I knew I am growing "old".... I learnt too much...too fast...Not easy... I try to control my tears but it falls... again :''(

Trip to Berlin

Berlin Day 1

Reached Berlin quite late around 1030pm. Headed to buddy's friend place for one night stay. Had Indian cuisine. Back home and refreshed. Then get to Disco for my very first time. Enjoy much but got "heart attack". I had many of my "first time" experiences tonight. Very unforgettable experiences.

Berlin Day 2

Woke up quite early. Ate a very crispy and hot croissant which buddy queue for quite sometime to get that :). Then, we went out for morning walk at nearby neighbourhood. Get to a morning market, park, bookstore, pharmacy, cultury brewery,church of Mary, before buddy went for his haircut. Then we get to check in to another hotel, dressed up and go for Japanese Food before we join the parade. Went to a park Kollvit Square for some greenery and fresh air. After the parade, we went for sightseeing at posydamer platz where the sony centre is located. Nice and modern design. Dinner in a Vietnamese Restaurant and back home to zzz.

Berlin Day 3
Started the day quite early about 10am. Bought some fruits for breakfast. Took train to visit an old destroyed church during WWII-- Kaiser-Wilheim-Gedachtniskirche. Ate a curry wurst (sausage). Then took bus for sightseeing. Passed by zoo, embassy before we got down at the Parliment and parliment office. We then went for photography sessions at Brandenburg Gate, Hotel Adlon, Jewish square, Berlin Wall, Beliner Dom, Altes Museum, French and German Cathedral, Cultural House, Neue Wache, Old National Gallery, Opera House, Museum of German History, Pergamon Museum and Bode Museum. We ended up the trip at a Italian Restaurant before we checked out at about 5pm. Reached home by car-pooling abt 2am. Quite a rush but enjoyable day!

Relationship

Relationship is a particular type of connection between two people. I always thought that it is a special kind of feelings towards the one you love, to love, care, trust, to be together in good or bad times. The one that you can pour everything and share your joy and sadness. To grow old together, loving each other till the end of life..

But, recently.. I found that relationship sucks. I am not going through any but I had seen it through. I start having doubt. I start to wonder there aren't any good ending like what happen in fairy tales. We need to face the reality. We will love someone with our whole heart but we will not necessary get any return. If you are loving each other at that moment, there are no guarantee that it will last forever. You will be loyal to the relationship, but how about the other half? Too many tempatation, too many sad ending.

I never encounter any good one in my life. I believe there will have. But now.. I really doubt. My heart is closing ....

CSD Berlin 2007

Manage to catch the Christopher Street Day (CSD) in Berlin. It is the end of Pride week. The big parade on the last Saturday of Pride week will follow a route from the Kurfurstendamm to the Siegesäule. Almost the whole Berlin is celebrating this parade.

Big crowd. Eye opening. Fun. Experience.

I enjoyed it! :)

Work and Stress

These days, most of the people that I really care and love are under stress from work particularly. Overtime, deadlines, productivity etc… Urrgghh… I can’t help much, just hope things can resolved soon. I seen the outcome from “over-stressed”. I couldn't take it anymore. Is scary and sad to see that. I am worry.

I am on leave. But still, I worked till my phone was being barred for about 2 weeks ago. Then, I start receiving calls to my personal phone. I answered once then I decided not to answer any from then. Is bloody expensive and I had to pay for it. I emailed office to ask them to settle the bill, but they said they are processing it. Finance Manager resign. Bla bla bla..

I felt the stress from my work though I am on holidays. I felt the stress from colleagues and works. Sometimes I thought is my own problem but when lots of incidents happened before I left, I start to understand something. I felt sad at first but relieve after pouring to my beloved. I am letting go. I felt happier. I hope the stress that I am going to ‘inhale’ when I back then isn’t too much. I hope I can cope well. I will try not to take buddy’s offer. I knew he cares and worry. Is too sweet and warmth that he always there to offer but I will be strong to go through that.

I knew I will have more to take from different areas which are more sickening when I am back. I am tired. Really tired. But I knew my beloved and dear friends will be there for me, giving strength and cares. We are there for each others. That's what friends for... I will hang in there…. At least I will try...

New Companionship

Recently, I got another 2 new 'toy' from buddy -- an elk and a rainbow doggie. I didn't feel excited and happy seeing them. But...I felt sad.

He do not want any accompany with him anymore. He will be lonely. He felt empty. I felt his loneliness.

I am really sad to see that. I told him the truth. He asked me to take them with me. I will be a good 'baby sitter'. If one day he needs them back, I can send them to him. I will take care of them. Awaiting you to claim it back ya.. I hope the day will come.

P/S: God, are you there to listen? I start to wonder. Your child is crying and lost.

Alcohol.. Bad Sex?!

I am having beer when blogging. Sore throat. So feel like taking this Mat Salleh 'Leong Cha'. I hope it works. I should blog about my trip to Berlin, about the CSD, but...I havent get those photo arranged well as I am tired. When I am drinking, suddenly thought of this...Buddy told me quite often when we have our drinks.

"When you are drinking and cheers, you must look into each other eyes, or else you will have bad sex for 7 years!"

Believe it or not? I do not know the answer. You are the one suppose to tell me. Hehe... Anyone knows the answer? Tell me. Tell me. Keen to know :P

I am consider an alcoholic. I can drink lots. But suprisingly I only took 2 bottle of beers, 1 bottle of red and white wine each, 2 cocktails for this 2 months though alcohol is damn cheap over here. Buddy keep tempting me to get the alcohol but I just not. When I about the order/buy drinks, I will think of mumbling and advice from my dear and my beloved. So, I will order some other non-alcohol drinks. I drink only occasionally here when I need them such as for now to sooth my throat and when I am down. Heh... I think I am really "gila" liao.. how can I resist that?! I think I should get a bottle back home then :P. Please remind me to look into ur eyes when u are drinking with me. I am quite forgetful and I am not taking any risk. Hahaha.... :P

I wonder I am sick?

I feel very cold lately. My whole body ache. I had to hide under the blanket. I closed all the window. But I still feel cold. I thought the weather is cold outside. I thought it is normal that my whole body ache at this time. I thought that I am dizzy as I do not have enough sleep.

But today, I saw many children were playing in the playground outdoor. Some even wearing singlet. Today is sunny day. But I still feel cold and the ache still never less though I had the pain killer. I just realised that my forehead are a bit warm and my feet and hands are cold. My head is heavy as well. I am wearing 3 layers of cloths and sweater even socks but I still feel cold. I think I am having fever liao...

Bad Mood

When we are in bad mood.....

We tends to say something that is opposite of our thinking.
We tend not to express our very true feelings.
We tend to use harsh and cruel words to hurt.
We tend to keep our self away from the one that we really love.
We can’t think, talk, and act wisely.
Both parties will get hurt and sad.

Best solution is :

• Stay cool and calm
• Talk it over
• Share the feelings
• Forgive and forget

Distance in heart will be closer. Tomorrow will be better :)

Bad Luck

All these years, bad things will happen to me unexpectedly. People will think that is ridiculous until they saw it and experience those themselves with me.

After the stupid euro line “fly kite”, this round was the car driver. We booked a car pooling plan to Berlin. Actually buddy had arranged and confirmed with him 2 weeks before we departed. The fellow said ok, no problem. We called him again a day before, but to his voice mail box. So, buddy left him a message as we were busy in the lab. On the day itself, buddy called again, this time, nobody picked up the calls. We called and called and waited for an hour plus.

We finally gave up. We took the train and paying 4X plus extra fare. And the train was very full due to the CSD celebration in Berlin. Crowded. After 30 mins later, got a place, but not for our ticket. They have the stupid category system. Finally Buddy got me a place, he let me had that as I was sleepy and not feeling well. He had to sit on the floor for about an hour plus before got another seat. Pity him. He made a remark that he never encounters all these “FFK” case here all this while. I am the first one that made him “involved” in all these.

Huh… bad luck…heh?

My Little Cutties...

These are all my new toys, gifts from buddy... to accompany me when i am back then..

• The bear bear will have sound hor...
• The white polar bear is famous in germany...
• The sheep is a key chain...
• The worm is a collection from buddy...
• The hanging moo moo is another collection from buddy...

My beloved, saw them all? Hehe... these are all I got here. Finally I blog them here. You won't 'cincang' them kan? Actually there is another big big one, buddy ask to get as it is 50% off --- still around 15 Euro. But I didn't. Hehe... I am such a good girl right? :P

It's Complicated

Complicated feelings and emotion raise inside me now. I need to struggle it through alone. I do not how to handle. I am not professional enough to handle it. I am just a normal human.

I am scared. I am worried. I am sad. I am stress. And still I am..

Will he be stronger? Will he be brave? Will he be better ?

I don't know. Nobody knows. I can just pray and hope. I felt helpless. I can only hide to watch and observe. Hide my tears under the blanket. I need a hug and comfort to pour out my tense and worries. My heart is painful seeing it through. I hope I can be stronger to give him the strength and love.

Fire Flies Spirit

This post is dedicated to my beloved... far in distance, near in heart.

Nothing to do Kuala Selangor.. Is just some words for you....

"Believe and have the spirit like fire flies ---They blink to find their loves one. They know that their life is so short but they are brave enough to search for the one they love. They appreciate the time being together. They shine, they smile with love...though is not too long... Enjoy every single day they have ---"

So, do not hesitate and think too much. Believe... Appreciate and Love... Life will be easier, my dear :) !

P/S: Though I am not very "qualified" to say that (no 'exp' ma), but I do believe... Is not easy but must try.. be strong....no matter what..

Bak Zang Festival

Just after a quiet celebration, today comes another festive season -- the dumpling festival. I love dumplings lots. Though my health do not allow me to take that much, but I craving for it. Hehe... Everybody tends to love something that they can't take...

This year..going to miss the dumplings on this day when I am abroad. Can't eat the real one, but got a photo from my dear. Haha... still can't "satisfy" me. I definately will have it when I am back then.

When comes to festive season, some family will have celebration, some just treat as a normal day. Lots of thinking in my mind after I made a call back to my grandma. My mood is down. When we are with our loves one during festive season, you will feel warm and love around. But how about those that are lonely and lack of love around them, will feel more emptiness in their mind and heart during this time. I also being alone all this while out from my hometown. But I am too lucky to have friends around me. Today, I can understand my loves one feelings now better on this day.... in his room....

P/S: Indirectly had put my housemate into some "trouble" today, feel so sorry for that. My another feeling is light anger and disappointment, but I cant do anything :(

A Quiet Celebration

Last Thursay was my one month cun cun here in Germany. I totally do not realised that. Time flies so fast. As usual, I stayed at home doing nothing, hehe... Cooked some porridge with dried osyter and "yew chu". Then lying at bed as body aches after a fall days before. Buddy was back early. Suprised me. Bought some ingredient and started the cooking.

"Sa po, do u know today is what day ar?"

"Thursday lor (stupid answer from me)"

"You already here for a month le! forgot ar? Tonight we celebrate ar"

"Oooo...ok"

We had spaztler, pineapple, porridge and cheese cake for the "special occasion". A bit too much for only 2 of us.

A quiet and lovely celebration... thanks, buddy.

P/S: Time to be back and away from buddy is getting nearer :( . Is time for me to take out my "pressure and problems' out from the "freezer" after keeping it for so long. The time has finally come. I shall face them.

Cheese Lover

I am a spoilt child here. I love cheese. That's why buddy bought me lot's of cheese, cheesy food for me. He said is cheap but I knew he just will buy if I love it. Never doubt that. The amount that I am taking in a month is a whole year supply for him! Haha....

From Mozzarella, Gauda, Cheese sheets, cheese flakes, cheese crackers, cheese cakes, cheese spread, cheese bread, cheese dip..I think I should stop now as all is so cheesy... hehe...







I had that all. Some were bought and some he made for me. He made the lemon cheese cake, cheese bread with basilicum and spaztler (pasta,pork, cheese, spring onions) -- a quite typical local food. Main ingredient --- of course is cheese! Those cheese hafta hate me for eating them at at such crazy level.

Sigh...Going to gain more weight with cheese... I love them, but in a way I dislike the fats la... any fat free one ar, heh...? :P I wonder.

P/S: My beloved Wil, got you the cheese tortilla (freego).. hmm..yummy yummy crispy crackers that you request... You gotta love it..

Doner

This is not a burger...it's call as "Doner". I had this for the second time in Mannheim. Lot's of shop selling this but only one particular shop here that makes the perfect one. The first time i had it was take away and in a rush, now I dine in to have this particulary.

The outter bread is a bit crispy and salty, is like a pocket that filled with salad, daging kebab, tomatoes, onions and not forget the mayonaise.

Hmm... I just love this lots. The portion is a bit too big for me. And not very expensive, haha... just Euro 2.

Song for Me

當你孤單你會想起誰

你的心情總在飛 什麼事都想去追 想抓住一些安慰
你總是喜歡在人群中徘徊 你最害怕孤單的滋味
你的心那麼脆 一碰就會碎 經不起一點風吹
你的身邊總是要許多人陪 你最害怕每天的天黑
但是天總會黑 人總要離別 誰也不能永遠陪誰
而孤單的滋味 誰都要面對 不只是你我會感覺到疲憊
當你孤單你會想起誰 你想不想找個人來陪
你的快樂傷悲 只有我能體會 讓我再陪你走一回

A song that dedicated to me by buddy.... He understand me well enough. Thanks for everything.. my dearest friend.

Bye bye Prague..

Trip to Prague last weekend was cancelled due to the irresponsible of the Euroline. We waited at the station since 10:15pm till 1:15am. The night was cold.. we still have to wait. We were not sure whether the bus will come or not. This station is really a quite and not much benches available. Few of us were waiting here, less than 10. This is a new route for the bus. We are not sure how long should we wait. Nobody work after 6pm. No 24hour call service. No customer service. Nothing! So, we need to wait and wait....From disappointment to anger. F**k! Buddy keep scolding. I kept quite. We both were tired. I did all the research about this place, places I wish to visit etc. Till the end, the stupid bus service turned us down. We walked all the way for 35 mins to the train station, no taxi available at that hour. Luckily last train was at 2:20am. I pity buddy for not taking his dinner. Grabbed a Doner...ate it before heading back home. We were tired, he even more. We are not sure whether refund will be given back or not. But definately we have to bear the lost on the currency that he changed and the accomodation booked. Double anger and disappointment! Luckily, left 2 more trip which none of them are using this bus service, :). At least a relief in this. Forget the unhappy memories, looking forward for the coming one...! I will try, but the disappointment is still there, of course.

Amsterdam - Sex and The City II

Day 2

Started the day around 10:30am, had some bread in room before getting out for light meal. Had some dim sum ala cart (wu kok and...i really forgot), bought some typical hong kong pastries. Nothing much to be done today, planned to have canal cruises along the floating market.

Did some sightseeing today, not to those typical tourist attractions. Some more down to earth scenes. Saw a weird gang of men wearing outstanding c0stumes, sipping coffee at a coffee shop - Batman, Superman, Mr.Incredible, Robin etc. They are very proud of that! Passed by tourist "trap" for the typical wooden shoes, roses beside a house, cheese shops, Sex shops and many more.

Along the way, can see the beautiful scenery for boats and cruises passing by, the town taxi, the architectural houses, churches, kindergarden, restaurants and many more. When we reached the floating market, the sun is too hot for me to have the boat ride, so buddy is the tour guide to brief me why most of the houses will have underground. Do you know why? --- Is for the maid/slave to stay in as they are not allow to step into their master's house during the old days. Sounds pity heh... :(

A quick shot at Bijenkorf Shopping Mall before got back for nap. Dinner at the same old place --- roasted duck rice and shrimp rice before getting to the bus station. Waiting and waiting, bus came and we finally reached home around 5am!

P/S: No windmill around in the city, is far far away at the countryside, too bad for that, but i had a mini one :P!