Heart Beat

For the very first time in my life... I heard of a heart beat by my naked ear!

Ok ok... i know i am too excited. The sound is so real... "bup bup, bup bup!"

Is exactly the same in what's showing in those movies. (See, not any computer effect)

Hehe..... the heart beat of a close fren... so clear... so science... Wow... i am impressed :P

Thanks, dear.. my letting me to hear that...

Some one that I love

My life seems to be too ‘interesting’ these days. It makes me handiness. I do think HE is giving me big challenge that I cannot handle it alone. I do not know how to take it easily.

Sometimes it is not to me directly but to those that I love. I personally do think that is much more painful seeing the one I love in suffer or pain. It does hurt me more. I cannot do anything much except comforting. My heart feels pain for those that I love. I do not want to see those that I love feel sad or down. I wish I can cheer them up.

Stay strong! I will lift the heavy blanket from your shoulders. Let me hold it …

Life

Some people joy for life, some tried hard to get alive,

but some easily want to end their life.

Some thoughts in my mind recently. I’ve experienced the joy of new-born and I’ve heard of giving up in life. The latter is so heartache to hear. Most of us do face problems in life. Some are lucky to overcome, but some are too unlucky. I’m the lucky one. I’m surrounded with people care and love me lots. Sorry for making u all worry for me, dear. Sorry that I will need to face it no matter what. I can’t give up. I’ll be stronger to handle. With all your support and care, strength and love, I’ll take care of myself. I’m sorry to make you worry. Thanks for being there, dear. I love u …

当你孤单，会想起什么呢？

现在的我，思绪很乱，思路没有方向，想着想着心口又疼痛了， 身上的痛已被心灵上的创伤，远远的超越了。脸上的泪，已分不清楚是旧痕还是刚刚不由自主所留下的。我不知道我为何用了我所有脑力，写了这些，可能是我在不久前阻止了一个我深爱的人用英语来表达他的意愿。

这些日子，所承受的压力， 让我塌下了。从一件可能让人毫不起眼的事件，勾起了一连串的痛苦回忆， 一个让我埋没在深处的伤口。一路来，从没好好的睡一场， 梦游已成了我生命中的一部分。现在，从睡梦中惊醒的痛苦，又回来了。我不能原谅与忘记， 只好好好的深藏起来，未来的路，我不会面对， 只好逃避。

与一个虽认识不久的朋友有意见上争执使我情绪低落了。我心口疼了。心疼他的忙碌与奔波，生气自己的直率，使他生气了。一波一波的事件，我失眠了。加上工作上的无理与压力，身上的伤与闷热，我累了。今天的我，已一拐一拐的忍痛，把思绪都填满了满满的工作，可是还是都不停的飘远。
当我接到另一个电话时，我崩溃了。所发生的一切一切，都围绕着我。我是事件发生的中心点，他说得没错，我是忽略了朋友的感受。我应该怎么做呢？问或不问已开始让我恐惧. 坦白或不，让我不会选择. 我的心好疼好疼，快呼吸不到了。

当你孤单，会想起什么呢？我的脑海里，快乐不见了， 伤感把它取代了。我哭了。我好害怕。我好孤单。我的心，再次的关闭了。我默默地承受，默默的流泪，我不敢让关心我的人知道，因为他们会担心。 那一个拥抱， 把我的泪擦掉， 让我可以把悲伤放下的避风港不见了。

Trauma and No Treatment

I can’t sleep well again these days after the incident. I was awake in scare again middle in the night. Something that can’t be brush off from my mind for years. Memories had flooded back. I froze. I wouldn't relax and I burst into tears. I do not know how to overcome that. I do not how to explain. I felt terrible scare and unsafe.

I can’t forgive and forget. It was registered in my brain. I have no power to erase it. Until unless one day my brain is going to be “formatted”. I wish for peace in mind.... but i don't think the day will come.

Sad days

Life would be happier if we can forget easily......

Been unhappy for few days and still having that bad feeling. When I'm alone even when I'm driving, my mind tend to think about the incident happened recently. While our king is celebrating his birthday, I'm in the “funeral”.

It can be said that is just like the Dr. already told me about the worst condition, I knew it and yet to final confirm the death. And the day came, finally. To be honest, I felt down n sad. My tears dropped thinking about it. Is not easy to take it though I've been in it for years. DEAR told me that is the visual act that shown to me. That's why I felt that.

I don't know how to respond. I just let them do it. Let them do whatever they want. The action did hurt me though I've no rights to argue. I just have to take it and live with it. My heart bleeds again. Though it will recover one day but the scar will just be there forever. I wish I could let go and forget but it will never as the wounds are too deep.

That's the cross I have to carry on my own and is heavy.

P/S: Double sad when I made my friend felt sad. I do deeply understand his feelings n been in his shoes. I'm so sorry, dear. Forgive me.

Bitch-ing

Personally I don’t like people to lie or being not punctual. I had 2 cases here where these people really stepping on my tail.

1st case
Being not punctual. Being late for 40 mins and didn’t say a single sorry and apologize face to face. Then making my friends going round to try to help, get things fix for him and didn’t even say a simple thank you. Even dare to smile in big eyes open trying to be funny telling people he’s did give effort. Oh please, go off..

2nd case
Another nuts! A stupid fool that can’t give me a single quotation even now, dragging till a month and yet things not resolve. Sending me a quotation but not a single number in the sheet. Then, called me up after office hour, asking me

“do u get the quotation?”
“no, didn’t”
“I oredi sent wor”
“Is ur email having problem?”
“ Yalor, the telephone line was cut off by forklift, so cannot go online whole day already”
“Then… how u send me the quotation then?! You expect me to get that?”
“Ermmm… then nvm la, I fax to u tomorrow”

And the stupid fool still faxing me wrong quotation, all terms wrong again. I had spoke to him in Chinese and English. I had wrote to him in English and Chinese. And yet this bloody shit still doing the wrong thing. Haiz.. he even told me the chemist don’t know how to do, the purchaser also don’t know. I hate that bloody shit and I have to deal with him as my boss want him to be our supplier. I think I will get heart attack soon. My boss still scolding me as me not patience to him. He asked me must teach him slow slow. Invite his people sitting in front of me, teach them how to do. OMG… what the hell is that! Help!

Oh my... how can I not to be bitch with these people around!